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Sarah's Journal
20 most recent entries

Date:2003-11-07 14:55
Subject:TO: Friends and Everybody Else
Security:Public

I have a new Livejournal; it's fiveanddimefate

I'll leave this up for a bit but after awhile you are just screwed.

See ya there... hopefully I will write more... you never really know.

(lie to me)





Date:2003-11-03 13:56
Subject:The ways in which we fall...
Security:Public

Only a little over a month until this semester is over. I can't wait! I have one class that I look forward to; one! I do not mind the others but they are not social classes... at least for me anyway. It is rather interesting how each new semester is like starting over: new people, new teachers (for the most part), new subjects, I could even get a new room and I think work study might start over but I am not to sure there. Change is good. All life should shift every few months. It would diffinently make things more interesting.

Class it starting. Gotta go.

I should get a new LJ name and the such.

(1 please | lie to me)





Date:2003-11-02 18:34
Subject:Well it IS kind of interesting.
Security:Public

I'm trying to get all my Livejournal friends' locations plotted on a map - please add your location starting with this form.
Username:
(Then get your friends to!)

(lie to me)





Date:2003-10-30 23:18
Subject:Zany antics follow
Security:Public

hinder's Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 5
Average number of words per sentence:14.48
Average number of syllables per word:1.29
Total words in sample:5097
Analyze your journal! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern


My LiveJournal Sitcom
Taking Care Of hinder's boss (NBC, 5:00): hinder (Paul Robeson) can't find pryncesssabrina (Bea Arthur)'s pain-killer tablets and pretends it was never missing. Soon afterwards, darksphere (Farrah Fawcett) finds a hairbrush in acraviolet (Corey Feldman)'s sock drawer. Afterwards, sonflower (Jamie Lee Curtis) accidentally scratches aurorabunny (Greg Kinnear)'s favorite 8-track player. Later, dreamking (David Caruso) gets lost on the way to taintedlilies (Brad Pitt)'s house and spends the night in the supermarket. Zany antics follow.
What's Your LiveJournal Sitcom? (by rfreebern)

(lie to me)





Date:2003-10-14 21:23
Subject:
Security:Public

*yawn* Huh?

(1 please | lie to me)





Date:2003-10-13 20:40
Subject:AAAHHH OOOOO!!!
Security:Public
Mood: pissed off

Well, my transmission does not shift out of first gear now! YEA! for that. I called my dad and told him and he blamed me for not staying at his house all weekend and letting him working on my car. Besides the fact that it was raining the first part of Saturday he could of said "Okay (instead of me sitting watching football for the rest of the day) lets go back to the house so I can look at your car." Did he do that? I don't think so... but it is obviously my fault.

So if anyone has a car the want to sell me for cheap or just plain give to me let me know, kay? Thanks.

(3 please | lie to me)





Date:2003-10-07 21:31
Subject:...and I saw my reflection in a snow covered hill.
Security:Public
Mood: numb

So yesterday was my twenty-first birthday. Woo.

It really shows a guy the kind of friends he has when no one even sends an e-mail his way. My bro called and I called my dad and I called Jenni. The best thing that happened yesterday was a very cute girl in my Junior English-type-class told the teacher it was my birthday and she also said happy birthday to me. It also shows a guy the kind of friends he has when a stranger gives more effort. Don't get me wrong, I am used to this. I didn't expect anyone or anything and it is always nice to be reminded of the boundaries. So looking back thanks everyone for the gifts; even though, you all got me the same thing.

********************************************************************************

I have been thinking about leaving again. It is very obvious I do not belong here. I do not just mean this school; I mean this life I have. It has gotten old and stale. It feels as though ever since I was, lets say, ten I have been living the same day over and over and over and over and over. The only difference seems to be that I get taller and heavier and hairier. Looking at it head on that doesn't seem like much of a life. Moreover it appears to be lacking from a side view as well.

*Just three miles from the rest stop...could you please collect your things*

(8 please | lie to me)





Date:2003-10-06 13:01
Subject:Well well... What the?
Security:Public
Mood: drunk

Your meme, should you choose to accept it, is to rank the following bands in order, from couldn't live without to couldn't care less. To add value to this process, you must also add one band to the list, and remove one band from the list, before passing the meme on (including these instructions).

Hilary Duff
The Beatles
matchboxtwenty
Dave Matthews Band
Coldplay
REM
Dixie Chicks
Smashing Pumpkins
Nirvana


U2, Backstreet Boys, NSYNC

(lie to me)





Date:2003-10-01 22:27
Subject:I can't give everything away; I won't give everything away.
Security:Public
Mood: lethargic

So how is everyone? I am fine-ish. I have already finished one of my classes so now I am completely free on Tuesdays until the 27th of Oct. Which at this time is four more Tuesdays - whole month. I know the 27th is a Monday but oh well. Still it is four more Mondays.

I went home last weekend and when I got there there was a letter from the Library with my resignation attached to it. Basically I was fired but they decided it was best, for them, that I left willingly without knowing about it. All the resignation said is that I left for school so no tarnishment was had. The Library has only fired like one person in the last six years or so. When I heard about that when I first started I said I would be the second. I was right. That is some kind of irony.
Oh Wells-vile Kats.

*Help me believe because I want to believe in anything*

I went and to see Underworld last Sunday with Chris and Matt. I thought it was interesting. Too many guns though but I guess they cannot have people ripping each other part. Matt says the movie is based on some White Wolf role playing game but weeks before I saw they movie I watched this show that talked about Underworld and all the lore that surrounds Vampires and the-such. The makers of the movie said Underworld was based on the supposed true stories behind it all. Matt could be right about the modern day aspects of it but I agree with the movie makers on its roots in history.

Wow it is 10:40 in the pm. Today went tres (insert French word for fast).

One of my classes, MIS; Management of Information Systems, my prof. decided she wanted to show a movie about encoding and decoding and all that, so she decides to rent Wind Talkers for us to watch in class. (She was going to get War Games which actually ties in to what she wanted but it was out.) I told her about all the exploding people and death and that there wasn't much of the code being used. She cancelled class. I also told her about a movie called Enigma which is about the enigma encoder used during WWII so I think she is going to get that for Friday. Either way it is watching movies in class. Woo...

Well I am off.

*I wanna see your ****y - show it to me* <-- This is from a song so don't get offended if you figure it out.

(2 please | lie to me)





Date:2003-09-29 13:30
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: nauseated

F***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Use your imagination.

(13 please | lie to me)





Date:2003-09-26 11:32
Subject:I insist...
Security:Public
Mood: sleepy

Even though I have class in ten minutes, on the other side of campus, I am here writing in Livejournal. What is wrong with me? Eh, what do I care. I have absolutely nothing to say either.

Life is life
Work is work
Pain is pain
Dead is dead

(lie to me)





Date:2003-09-22 10:52
Subject:
Security:Public

Sitting in the computer lab awaiting the start of class... blah.

I forgot about reading I have to have done by tomorrow. So, yesterday I spent all day playing Madden 2004. Which is not a bad game. I kicked my roommates a** so hard.

I am thinking about coming home this weekend. Not that anyone will want to, but give me a call if you want to do something. I don't know how long I will be home but give me a call anyway.

Looks like class is finally starting...

(3 please | lie to me)





Date:2003-09-16 21:20
Subject:
Security:Public

Rhiakath is your Vampire name.
You are an image of the Vampire Lestat. You love
yourself, and rightly so, because you are
clever, witty, sexy, and very cunning.
To use your new Vampire name and become a Vampire,
go here:
www.life-blood.cjb.net


What is your Vampire name?
brought to you by Quizilla

(1 please | lie to me)





Date:2003-09-15 17:02
Subject:huh? and... oh yeah
Security:Public
Mood: crappy

Sometimes I get the reflected impression I am too much.

I don't think I can really explain...

I think too much, I feel too much, I express... well, not very well, but I do it too much.

*Take all the white circles from a deep, dark, blue background; throw them into the air just to see where they come down. They see there's emotion... it didn't get specific*

(lie to me)





Date:2003-09-14 22:43
Subject:Whether I am in a crowd or on a Island by myself...
Security:Public
Mood: le sigh

I wonder if it is possible to become invisible to one's self.

Life is made up of all that we are used to - or so say the Goo Goo Dolls. What if a person's life is made up of what is forced upon them? Is it still what they are used to? Or is it what they have adapted to. It is both realities I guess.

*...I will be ignored and I will be denied and I could be erased; I could be brushed aside...*

Do you see this figure here in my hand
Can you see the tears as they run down its cheeks
What is it you see when you look in its eyes
which rips at your heart as you turn away

Do you ignore its hands beckoning you near
Can you forget its desperate smile
What is it you hear in its pleading cries
which catches in you throat as you try to breath

Do you understand why it calls to you incessantly
Can you remember who it used to be
What is it you feel when he is blown away
which questions your action when you think of yourself

Do you want
Can you need
What is it you believe
which allows you to love instead of me

*Maybe I should leave off that last part?*

*...You'll never see inside until you realize...*

(lie to me)





Date:2003-09-09 14:43
Subject:A few journal entires I was able to make from the past few weeks.
Security:Public

*College Journal while Network is Down.*

Summary and thoughts of August 23 thru August 27 – 11:15pm
When I first arrived here I really truly didn’t want to be here. All I wanted was to be away from my house, my dad, and whatever, so called, life I had. I didn’t get the building I wanted and now have to share a communal bathrooms and showers, unfortunately. I have managed thus far to avoid peek shower usage times and have come up with a way to feel comfortable when others are in there. Thankfully the showers themselves are closed off from each other by curtains, fortunately.
I know my roommate from E.I. (or rather P.C.I., now) and as sure as I am that knowing ones roommate is better than not; having a roommate, whether you know him or not, who slightly annoys you more and more day by day is even worse. He is fine for the most part but he continues to tell me what he is doing and why and things I just don’t need to know. Not to mention the fact that he continues to try to get online though everyone knows the network is down. I must not, however; forget the pop. We have been here a total of five days as I write this and he has gone through two six-packs of pop and just this evening started the third. I am so not going to feel sorry for him when his kidneys explode.
The rest of Second Floor South hall is fine. Most people either nod at me or say “What’s up?”, which by my count is the most commonly said phrase from random guy to random guy. I, myself, have uttered said phrase a few times. Basically, it is the easiest greeting to speak in passing.
My main classes began today and for the most part appear rather straight forward. The only part of these there classes, well really only two of them, is writing papers; not something I do well. My other three classes are basically independent study, which is fine, and thankfully one of them doesn’t start until the end of October. So classes are fine, considering I started them today and haven’t started any of my Java work. Tomorrow is a day of many wonders, but only of we choose to see them.
Ah, the food. I have eaten once in the cafeteria and it wasn’t that pleasant and I didn’t pay for it. So, one could say, I got what I paid for. Also, I have only eaten dinner except for the meal in the cafeteria. The last few days I have gone to the Snack Bar and had burgers and chicken sandwiches. Today is decided not to like me and it hasn’t been fun since Six-o-clock. I think it is the grease.
I do not particularly remember most of the days before today seeing as how classes basically started today and I just hung out every day before today, but something conducive to my life happen today just before the sick making meal. I went into the bookstore, which, by-the-way was a stupid idea because everything is so much more costly, because I needed two three-ring-binders for classes and I thought I might as well pick up a few folders too. They were closed early but the girl let me in anyway. I have seen her around before but I have no knowledge of her name. She showed me to the three-rings and we chatted a bit about how my only choices were binders with lady-bugs on them, with my choice of three three-ring-binder colors, in school colors. After I choose my only choice we walked up to the counter so I could over pay and she asked me a question, “Do you not like being here?” I shook my head. Then she asked what may major was and I told her, “IT.” After which she stated what a lot of people say to me, “You look down or angry all the time.” (First off who is she to tell me this when I have seen her maybe twice and never spoken to her and second it didn’t really bother me that she asked.) I told her I was neither and she adds, “I guess it’s just your disputation then.” I told her it came from many years of living my life and you really just have to get to know me and that I am quite, she just stared at me. Then I left and went off to eat death in a box.
No one really talks to me here. I am sure it is the same reason as everywhere else: The supposed “Piss off” vibe I give off. I don’t make much off an effort either both because I have grown used to being alone and, though I can always feel the huge, empty, lonely hole inside me, I don’t get the feeling most people want to know me anyway. Plus, everybody hates a fat guy.

*New topic*

I miss Laura even if I am not supposed to. I wrote her an email the yesterday, the one time I actually got anywhere online, and I have no idea if she wrote back. Though, I don’t have much hope. Once you around a person, female in my case, you grow to want them around for whatever reasons you may have and at this moment that is how I feel. I have listened to and, at this moment, am listening to the song I choose for her Library theme song. It makes her seem closer in a far away sense.
*edited for content*

Well, my roommate just went to bed and I should head that way as well, so *sigh*.


August 28, 2003 – 11:02pm

-Color me Pissed Off-

The network is still down! I decided today I was going to try to get cable internet but have come to find out that they are “unable” to set it up in the campus system. Can anyone say “Fuck off Ottawa”? Right now the girl from yesterday is right, I do hate being here.
I started Java today. I spent three and a half hours in the lab doing work on my own with no one around who could help me if I had questions. Everything thing I had done before but obviously needed a refresher on. Blah… I hate school. Tomorrow I once again have the two classes which will pose the most problem. By-the-way they are Basic Issues in Philosophy and Junior Core which is basically English expanded to cover atypical topics.
My roommate, Larry, is out right now bowling with some girl he met like the second night here and he has informed me that he won’t be bad until late. Go him. If you knew Larry you would ask yourself, “How did this guy meet any kind of girl?” as I asked myself when I found out about her. But, I guess, as long as you are not me you have a fairly good chance at happiness no matter where you somehow manage to find it. Go me!
My dad called like an hour ago and wanted to know if I was going to stay at home over the weekend because he wants me to bring home my Xbox so we can link them together for no apparent reason, but I am most likely going to get my check from work and pay my bills then turn around and come back. There is nothing in KC to keep me there for a weekend. There is nothing in KC for me; there is nothing anywhere for me.
A non-existent white dot on an already white page.

Maybe I have social anxiety disorder. Where I am too afraid to interact because I think everyone will be judging me from afar so instead I put on a face to make everyone stay afar… if that makes sense.

“Doesn’t want to go to work today
Doesn’t feel its importance
Wants to live her life like a swinging door
Let everything out, everything and more

Everyday is downhill from here-“

*I don’t belong here*

August 29, 2003 – 11:19pm

- Let her sing… -

I just took a shower… fun stuff.
So, class. Because I went to class I now have to write two paper dues the same day, not for the same class mind you, and I have to read like 30 pages. Go college and its crap. One of them is three to five pages for junior core and the other is something I am not sure how long it has to be but it’s over the reading for philosophy and has to contain my thoughts… what a f-in' world. My thoughts? What kind of crap is that? Too bad I am kidding… or something. So, no big deal I just felt like ranting and had nothing to rant about.
My roommate, who has been off all day sitting in some, slightly deformed, girl’s room just came in, before my shower, and asked if “this” is all I have been doing all day. (“This” being watching TV.) Some people. Judge me will you? Anyway… That from a guy who avoids doing what has to be done until the last second and, basically, refuses to learn unless is made to. This, however; begs the question: “Then why are you in college?” Again, some people!
Finally I was able to check my email today. Got an email from Brie about Florida, got one from Megan (and it’s about damn time) with Mrs. Cooke’s email address and one reply from Laura. Laura’s email seemed distant… I have the effect on people just from the mere fact I am friends with them. Once again, GO ME! I don’t know… whatever, is more like it. The one who is me is never allowed to write anything remotely containing emotion of any kind that is directed at the world in any form because he will be ultimately refused and sent on his way. Friendless and alone, as he will always be.

*Is this a Pity Party of one or is anyone invited.*

I only speak the truth.

Later.

**Today**
So, if you are unable to tell the network is finally working. However I just found out that we have to have two data ports to use two computers online at the same time. Which blows. But they say all we have to do is tell our RA and he will have the info and be able to get it moving. On the downside, I still can not play Halo online becuase I still need two data ports. Now I just had the thought that I still might not be able to make it work becuase the two ports are not connected. DAMN!!

I went home on last Saturday to get a few things and get some food. I also got the Hilary Duff cd which is rather good execpt one song called The Math. The title tells you all you need to know about the song. KA Blowy!

I dropped two classes in as many weeks. I picked up other classes so I still have 17.5 hours. But I had to get out of Philosophy. With my Junior English class and philosophy I had way too many papers to write. It's takes me forever to write a paper and just image how long it would take me to write three papers due the same day. FO SHOO!

Right now I am just hanging out doing nothing even though I should due some homework which is due tomorrow but I don't feel like it. All it is is an explansion on the last paper I had to write for Junior Core(English but with feeling).


Well I am off. I think I will leave you with a song:

I won't tell you what I'm thinking
'Cause it's not the same thing you're thinking too
You could say I got a best friend
And she's always telling me what to do

She's out of sight but east to find
She's in the front of my mind

CHORUS:
The little voice in my head won't let me forget
The little voice in my head is never mislead
All of this noise is what keeps me from making a mess
The little voice in my head just won't let me get with you

La lala la la....

When I see you I admit
I start to lose my grip and all of my cool
You smell so sweet just like my perfume
What have we been doing since I left you

You're always there in my thoughts
But that doesn't mean it's on

CHORUS

I know I sound insane, like I'm playing games
'Cause all I really want is you
But there are some things a girl just won't do

CHORUS

-Hilary Duff-

(4 please | lie to me)





Date:2003-08-22 10:58
Subject:Ever since the day I met you I can't stop thinking about you.
Security:Public
Mood: intimidated

Last day... Last day to say what I mean. Last day to show that I care. Last day to have someone miss me... Last Day.

You would think that with my leaving and other people staying and other people leaving I would have some sentiment to spread, but I don't. Instead, I have nothing to say.

There is one person, however; the title refers to them, but you can't really figure anything from it.

So... later

"I tried to find the reasons why; I found you instead"

(lie to me)





Date:2003-08-14 21:51
Subject:Of course it's you, who else would it be?
Security:Public

Last day at work. It blew.

Going to miss a few people, other than that... screw 'em.

(1 please | lie to me)





Date:2003-08-08 22:38
Subject:I'm...
Security:Public

Some people just don't understand; eveybody else read the book.

(lie to me)





Date:2003-08-07 22:18
Subject:Maybe the guys in the Nova, maybe they had a plan. Maybe I cound borrow it.
Security:Public
Mood: thirsty

Ugh, this was such a crap day. I was even going to get because i knew it was crap.

Work blew. My new cell phone figured it didnt want to work anymore so i had to drive around for and hour to get another one. And, it took be an HOUR to get from Grandview to my House. (Which of course is a fifteen minute drive.) Damn people and their accidents blocking me from going home.

Anyway...

Sabrina is all sad and that's never a good thing... It's hard to make Sabrina sad and hate anyone who can do it. No matter how they do it...

That is all...

*Nobody loves you when you're down and out*

(1 please | lie to me)




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